Post your Jokes here! [Archive] - Page 3

Velvet Mite

20thJune2006, 17:58

Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur,"but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

IMPERIUM

20thJune2006, 19:22

Was at the dinner on the 20th April with the ANR.
AH stormed out in a huff!
They didn't cater for vegetarians!

Imperium
0606

Cikku

21stJune2006, 10:54

I know EN likes to drop in here at about this time to break the office routine, so this is just for you EN !!

True Facts About Men

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.

Woman don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

If you want a nice man go for a bald one - they try harder.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the bath to pee.

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married.

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

Men are like animals, messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells per man.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".

Husbands are like children. They're fine if they're someone else's.

Animus

21stJune2006, 10:57

Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells per man.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".

Unless they're combined together ...

Cikku

21stJune2006, 10:59

Four To Go

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away." The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?" The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician." And the other said, "Oh, I see, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Animus

21stJune2006, 11:01

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire r oom for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Cikku

21stJune2006, 11:18

Originally Posted by Cikku
Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells per man.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".

Unless they're combined together ...

LMAO -- the lady knows !!!

Animus

21stJune2006, 20:37

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.
He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".

The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the city-slicker.

"Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"

Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."

"Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy.
"This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"

The Indian looks up and says...
"Ran over me about a half hour ago."

Merill

21stJune2006, 21:11

Lol Animus your joke reminded me of one I know.

(Hope it's not too 'hard' for the audience here...)

So this European went to India and he was walking along the sandy streets.

All of a sudden he came upon a man who was lying down on the pavement, nude and with a full erection.

Being curious he couldn't help asking him what on earth was he doing there! The indian calmly replied that he was checking the time, and by the shadow of his penis it was a quarter past four.

The European was surprised that that was the exact time!

Barely had he turned round the corner then he saw another indian lying in the same position... with the same erection.

"So you're seeing the time too huh?" he inquired.

"Yes, and now it is twenty minutes past four", the local precisely replied to his astonishment!

It was nearly evening and the European was walking back to his 'hotel'.

On the way he was even more surprised though, because he saw yet another man on his back but this time with a very limp penis. He was lying on the ground like all the others but violently jerking off!

Our guy couldn't bear the curiousity so he asked him:

"And you, are you checking the time too?"

For which the reply was:

"I'm trying to, imma rrid intih il-habel l-ewwel!"

Animus

21stJune2006, 21:36

LOL good one Merilll:p

mitsu

23rdJune2006, 08:24

GANNI TAL-MELLIEHA

Darba kien hemm wiehed ragel jismu Ganni mill-Mellieha u kien twajjeb
hafna.

Quddies ma jfalli qatt. Dejjem ifahhar lil Mulej. Jaghmel karita. Jghin
il-proxxmu. Insomma kien qaddis jimxi fl-art. U l-Mulej innota l-hajja qaddisa ta' Ganni. U ried jippremjah. Ghalhekk ghodwa wahda il-Mulej tkellem u
ghajjatlu: "Ganni....Ganni''

"Xi trid Mulej?'' irrisponda Ganni
"Mhux xi rrid. Bil-kontra Gann, ghidli int xi trid! Innutajt il-hajja
qaddisa
tieghek u illum irrid naghtik rigal. Ghidli xi trid u jien naqtghalek xewqtek", qallu l-Mulej.

U Ganni beda jahseb u qal, "Iva Mulej. Inti taf li jien noqghod
il-Mellieha
u
nahdem Birzebbugia. Taf kemm ghandi boghod ghax-xoghol. Nixtieqek taghmilli triq dritta, minghajr kantunieri, minghajr side streets, minghajr traffic lights, triq dritta mill-Mellieha sa Birzebbugia biex nasal ghax-xoghol malajr u minghajr inkwiet ta' xejn.''

"Ganni, Ganni. Iddizappuntajtni," qallu l-Mulej, "Ma hsibtx li ser
titlob
affarijiet materjali. Taf li kieku rrid kapaci naghmila t-triq jien. Imma hsibt kemm ser naghmel hsara lill-ambjent. Kemm ser nghaddi minn go ghelieqi u gonna biex naghmillek din it-triq ghall-uzu personali tieghek. Gann ma xtaqtekx tkun egoist fix-xewqa tieghek. Mhux ahjar tahseb f'xi haga ohra?"

U Ganni rega beda jahseb. "Iva Mulej", qallu Ganni, "Mela ghinni u
iftahli
mohhi biex nibda nifhem in-nisa. Ghinni halli naghmilhom kuntenti. Ghinni nifhem kif jahsbuha. Ghinni nifhem il-harsa taghhom, is-skiet taghhom.Ghinni nifhem ghaliex jibku u jekk ikunux qed jibku ta' veru. Ghinni Mulej."

U l-Mulej irrisponsieh, "'Isma Gann. Rigward dik it-triq li ridt, kif
tahseb
li l-ahjar naghmluha - Two lanes jew four lanes?"

dDragonR

23rdJune2006, 08:57

Not for the faint hearted...:p

http://www.whackyourboss.com

dDragonR

23rdJune2006, 09:49

pls do not see after eating beans...:D :D

http://www.doodie.com/super_hero_animation.php

Animus

23rdJune2006, 15:16

Not for the faint hearted...:p

http://www.whackyourboss.com

managed up to number 14 ... but what the hell was 15????

Marco Polo

23rdJune2006, 16:51

managed up to number 14 ... but what the hell was 15????

the coat hook on the wall.

IMPERIUM

23rdJune2006, 22:06

dust commander

23rdJune2006, 22:23

Marco Polo

23rdJune2006, 22:33

Marco Polo

23rdJune2006, 22:42

PAWLU U LOWELL FL-ISTESS CELLA!

Pawlu: Ja razzist! Jien minhiex bhalek - ja razzist!
Jien Kristjan, Kattoliku, Inkallit u Moderat!
Jien qieghed mal-Beatu u mal-Bahnan!

Jien mhux bhalek: favur il-pufta! ud-drogi!
Jien Kristjan, Kattoliku, Inkallit u Moderat!
Jien qieghed mal-Beatu u mal-Bahnan!

Jien ma naghdurax lill-Hitler! - bhalek!
Mhux veru! Jien ma kontx l-ikla ta Hitler mal-Bahnan!
Mhux veru - jien ma kontx hemm!

Sa nikteb lill-President Lumumba!
Halli itini "transfer" - ma ridtx nibqa ghawn meighek -
ahjar f'detention centre ma tan-Nugget - milli ma razzist bhalek!

Ahna tal-ANR hadt ma arrestana!
Ahna mahniex razzisti - bhalek Lowell!
Jien mal Beatu ul-Bahnan!

Imperium
0606
a translation for all the english speakers: * i used obsessed for inkallit

paul (salomone) and lowell in the same cell

Paul: you racist! i not like you - you racist!
im a christian, catholic, obsessed and moderate
im with beatu and the idiot

im not like you: in favour of puffs and drugs!
im a christian, catholic, obsessed and moderate
im with beatu and the idiot

i do not adore hitler-like you!
its not true! i wasnt at the hitler meal with the idiot!
its not true-i wasnt there!

im going to write to president lumumba!
so he gives me a transfer-i dont want to remain here with you-
its better in the detention centre with the nugget- than with a racist like you!

no one arrested us of the ANR!
we are not racists-like you lowell!
im with beatu and the the idiot

Sepp44

23rdJune2006, 23:15

rotflmao:D:Dbbcbbc

Enigma

24thJune2006, 13:27

Hence Leaderless Resistance.
Ognuno al suo cammino.
A Hydra - the terror to the establishment.

In other words: COWARDICE :D :D :D :D :D

Marco Polo

24thJune2006, 13:36

In other words: COWARDICE :D :D :D :D :D

hardly. who the hell are you? a mirage rather than enigma?

imo it doesnt work though.

Enigma

24thJune2006, 13:40

hardly. who the hell are you? a mirage rather than enigma?

imo it doesnt work though.Why are you asking me?

Marco Polo

24thJune2006, 13:45

Why are you asking me?

because you are quick to provoke and yet no one knows you.

does that not make you a coward?

how about writing your real name here?

Enigma

24thJune2006, 13:46

because you are quick to provoke and yet no one knows you.

does that not make you a coward?

how about writing your real name here?How about checking the newbies area? Moreover, how come that any one who posts someting which you and some others do not like is considered to be a provoker? Come on!

Marco Polo

24thJune2006, 13:48

How about checking the newbies area? Moreover, how come that any one who posts someting which you and some others do not like is considered to be a provoker? Come on!

simply because we are continuously under assault by numerous enemies. do i not have a right to question suspicious behaviour? i do not know you and of course do not trust you. everyone has an agenda and many are in opposition to our own.

Enigma

24thJune2006, 13:49

simply because we are continuously under assault by numerous enemies. do i not have a right to question suspicious behaviour? i do not know you and of course do not trust you. everyone has an agenda and many are in opposition to our own.I'd better laugh! :D :D

Animus

24thJune2006, 14:34

I'd better laugh! :D :D

And I think its high time you show some respect!

Enigma

24thJune2006, 14:37

And I think its high time you show some respect!To someone who calls me provoker? I did show respect but too much is too much.

Animus

24thJune2006, 14:47

To someone who calls me provoker? I did show respect but too much is too much.

Don't act like a provoker if you don't want to be seen like one. I have no idea who you are, but at times I too have wondered what your intentions are, but as at yet I do not know you I am in no position to jump to conclusions. Try and be more careful with the way you present arguments in your posts, it might allow us to get a better idea of who you really are.

By the prvious posts on this thread, in your replies to Marco and Imperium, one cannot but notice a tone of arrogance and disrespect. It might not have been your intention, or it could have been, I don't know but we can only think of you as a person in relation to what material and tone your posts contain.

Enigma

24thJune2006, 14:50

Don't act like a provoker if you don't want to be seen like one. I have no idea who you are, but at times I too have wondered what your intentions are, but as at yet I do not know you I am in no position to jump to conclusions. Try and be more careful with the way you present arguments in your posts, it might allow us to get a better idea of who you really are.

By the prvious posts on this thread, in your replies to Marco and Imperium, one cannot but notice a tone of arrogance and disrespect. It might not have been your intention, or it could have been, I don't know but we can only think of you as a person in relation to what material and tone your posts contain.Please, Animus, I have a lot of respect towards you. I have also seen you. If my tone was one of arrogance, then what about the tones which are usually expressed by Marco and IMPERIUM in particular? If you would like to continue writing via PM, go ahead.

Animus

24thJune2006, 15:02

Please, Animus, I have a lot of respect towards you. I have also seen you. If my tone was one of arrogance, then what about the tones which are usually expressed by Marco and IMPERIUM in particular? If you would like to continue writing via PM, go ahead.

I have never seen any disrespect towards me from your behalf, but some comments might be understood or interpreted differently by others, especially in cases where they are not familiar with the person.

I have also seen you

as in we've met/been introduced before? In which case please let me know who you are (via pm if you don't want to make your identity public), its about time i started assigning faces to nicknames :)

Marco Polo

24thJune2006, 15:10

Don't act like a provoker if you don't want to be seen like one. I have no idea who you are, but at times I too have wondered what your intentions are, but as at yet I do not know you I am in no position to jump to conclusions. Try and be more careful with the way you present arguments in your posts, it might allow us to get a better idea of who you really are.

By the prvious posts on this thread, in your replies to Marco and Imperium, one cannot but notice a tone of arrogance and disrespect. It might not have been your intention, or it could have been, I don't know but we can only think of you as a person in relation to what material and tone your posts contain.

enigma. animus here said what i had to say but seems to be better at diplomacy than myself.

Merill

24thJune2006, 15:59

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going?', said the man.

'I'm going to Testaferrata street, said the wife, 'I just found out I can get Lm 30 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are YOU going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I'm so curious I want to see how you're gonna live on Lm 60 a year!'

_______________________________________________________________________________

Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

Enigma

24thJune2006, 16:14

enigma. animus here said what i had to say but seems to be better at diplomacy than myself.I have sorted out everything with Animus. It was only a misconception that I am a provoker or otherwise. I know you would like me to watch what I write so as not to be provoking, but my posts are not intended to provoke dammit! Your way of censoring / accusing posters is similar to the political correctness method, but instead of PC you call it provocation, when it is not! :( :(

Merill

24thJune2006, 16:35

Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped
1. "The cucumber has left the salad."

2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out."

3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."

4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."

5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"

6. "Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

7. "You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary."

8. "You've got a security breach at Los Pantaloons."

9. "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"

10. "Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis."

Merill

24thJune2006, 16:38

How many calories do we burn during sexThe diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable.

Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and we felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.

EXAMPLES:

1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off:
1 slice (large) chocolate cake.

25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off:
2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms.

53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off:
1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries.

53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3

Decanting the wine: 4

Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE

If you are shy: 15

If you are anxious: 43

If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER

If you are rich (cash): 5

If you are rich (credit card): 15

If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT

Fumbling: 4

Casually rummaging around: 7

Seriously rummaging around: 42

REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner's consent: 12

Without partner's consent: 187

Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION

Blowing in partner's ear: 15

Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed

Partner looks better with clothes on: 10

Partner wears corrective underwear: 15

Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100

You don't mind: 0.25

Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Fumbling around: 4

Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18

Completely missing: 126

POSITIONS

Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26

German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48

English (woman on top; man hiding): 15

American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS

Leg cramp: 36

Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612

Sneezing (during intercourse): 7

Sneezing (during orgasm): 588

ASSORTED ACCIDENTS

Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5

Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72

Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1

Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17

Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133

Calling your partner the wrong name: 50

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE

Shoes flew off: 15

Expression didn't change: 0.5

Room turned purple: 4

Face turned purple: 78

Earth moved: 30

If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588

Moaning in Turkish: 506

THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX

"I am so grateful": 15

"It must have been something we ate": 15

"Was it good for you?": 15

"Are you finished?": 15

TRYING AGAIN

If woman is ready: 5

If man is not: 563

ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP

After sex: 18

During sex: 546

While parking car: 212

SLEEP

Real: 5

Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74

TAKING A BATH TOGETHER

In a bath: 5

In a sink: 150

In a jacuzzi: 15,269

MAKING THE BED

With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired).

With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction)

KEEPING A JOURNAL

Maintaining your own record of sexual activity will be helpful for keeping track of weight loss. You needn't go into detail, just list the activity and the number of calories burned.

A typical entry in a woman's journal (for example) for a pleasant low-key sexual experience might read as follows:

December 1st: Sex with Harold

Explaining how: 12

Suggesting something different: 3

Calming terrified Harold: 40

Encouraging him to at least take off his socks: 8

Foreplay (a little of this; a little of that): 56

Intercourse (standing position): 22

Intercourse (holding Harold up): 10

Intercourse (urging him on): 5

Orgasm: not sure

Thanking Harold: 3

Waving bye-bye: 1

Total time: six minutes (taxi waiting)

Total calories burned: 160

Merill

24thJune2006, 17:11

Check your Dirty IQ!

Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?

Marco Polo

24thJune2006, 20:51

Merill

24thJune2006, 21:54

Easily Explained

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.

The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Cikku

27thJune2006, 09:56

POLISH DIVORCE

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very
well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked
him if he could arrange a divorce for him "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would
depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "No, I always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

POLE: "No, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof.

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'

JeanG

29thJune2006, 18:16

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEzwsBvCsjU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEzwsBvCsjU)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBnwD1i2xQU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBnwD1i2xQU)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCxmuuc4JIk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCxmuuc4JIk)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzLitdJLGJs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzLitdJLGJs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqTKBI1ImTw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqTKBI1ImTw)

IMPERIUM

30thJune2006, 15:42

Bacchus on fire.
Boccu screams "Arson!"
Boccu: "those rabid, revolting racists again!"

Imperium
0606

shadow cup

30thJune2006, 16:21

And Beck rose to the occasion,
Fork'n'knife in his hands did glisten

'Nay! I shall not lay prone
To let waste a single scone!
I shall set forth my power lustrous
And consume the whole Bacchus!'

And so he munched as he ran
And put to shame dear Pacman

'Soup and toast! Cup o' tea too!
Then a roast. And Ice cream blue
And pizza and burgers stacked high
And I mustn't forget the apple pie'

The raging flames did hiss and bellow
As Beck toasted each marshmellow

'It's a shame about all this here fire
Blame VM I shall before I do retire
Worry not lads; I'll say it now true
Pretty good fare! Wait for the review!'

And so he left the building to tumble
And went off in search of apple crumble

(with apologies to Beck ^_~)

Edit - A couple o' typos n' grammatical errors ;c)

James Ford

3rdJuly2006, 00:54

http://www.jwlo.ch/humor/black-humor/kkk%20in%20heaven.jpg

dDragonR

3rdJuly2006, 11:36

How to get the police to notice you ASAP:D

dDragonR

3rdJuly2006, 13:41

Type your name here..:p

http://www.chezclodio.com/divers/Hi.html

IMPERIUM

3rdJuly2006, 13:57

I was watching the news just now, and they mentioned last Tuesday's riot... what totally shocked me was that they aren't sure if there are any immigrants who didn't return, and how many there are!!! Don't they keep at least a head count of the number of immigrants there should be?? I would have thought they had a list with names etc! But at least.. a head count! - Vamp

Can't do a head count?
Off with their heads!
Place them in a row - and its quite easily done!

Imperium
0606

polix

4thJuly2006, 15:45

http://www.pulpmovies.com/gagwatch/wp-content/mohammed.jpg

HAHAH :D

polix

polix

4thJuly2006, 15:55

http://www.bendib.com/newones/2003/march/small/3-10-Good-dog-Tony%20Blair.jpg

IMPERIUM

5thJuly2006, 00:05

Gonzi issued a Govt statement that:
no italian flags be displayed publicly!
Thinks that illegals on boats will think this is Italy!

Imperium
0606

Crucio

5thJuly2006, 00:09

Buon sangue non mente:D. In the 60s we had the uncle now we have the nephew.

Velvet Mite

7thJuly2006, 18:55

A Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities."

"That's right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her Breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here In the first place

Cikku

8thJuly2006, 10:47

IL-KMANDAMENTI GHALL-QTATES

LILL SIDEK QATT taqbizlu fuq il-keyboard specjalment meta jkun fuq l-Internet

LILL SIDEK QATT tigbidlu il-wire tat-telephone specjalment meta jkun fuq l-Internet

LILL SIDEK QATT toqodlu quddiem it-television jew il-monitor ghax tahseb li int trasparenti

LILL SIDEK QATT taqbizlu fuq il-loki ezatt kif ikun qed ipoggi hu

LILL SIDEK QATT taqbizlu fuq il-buzzieqa ta l-awrina fl-erba ta' filghodu

LILL SIDEK QATT tiftahlu il-bieb tal-loki, specjalment jekk ikun hemm il-mistiednijn id-dar

QATT M'GHANDEK titla fuq il-fridge u taqla fuq kull minn ikun ghaddej

QATT M'GHANDEK tholl il-karti tal-loki kollu minn fuq ir-romblu

QATT M'GHANDEK tidhol fil-kamra fejn ikun qed isir party u tibda tilghaq sormok

QATT M'GHANDEK tintefa fl'art b'sormok f'wicc in-nies

QATT M'GHANDEK tahbez minn xi gholi ghall fuq il-bajd ta' sidek

QATT M'GHANDEK twaqqaf l-isviljerin ta' sidek, specjalment billi tpixxi fuqu

QATT M'GHANDEK taghti xi gambetta lill sidek, allavolja jkun miexi bil-mod

QATT M'GHANDEK titla fuq il-barmil taz-zibiel bl'ghatu miftuh, specjalment jekk dan ikun bil-molla, ghax issib ruhek f'nassa

FTAKAR li id-dar mhux habs li tipprova tahrab minnhu ma' kull opportunita

FTAKAR li ghandek turi daqxejn rimors meta taqla xi canfira

FTAKAR li int kannivaru w il-pjanti ta' gewwa m'humiex laham

FTAKAR li hafif kemm int hafif MA TISTAX tghaddi minn bibien maghluqin

Semper Sapiens

8thJuly2006, 20:13

I do not know whether following has already been published on this thread:

Bush announced that he had found the final solution to world wide terrorism.

In a press conference Bush admitted that his solution did have a cost.

"Bombing the terrorist hideouts will mean that 1.5 million Arabs and a Blonde with big boobs would die".

Several journalists immediately ask - " Who is the blonde?"

Bush turns round to Cheney and says

" What did I tell you - no one gives a shit about the Arabs"

Marco Polo

9thJuly2006, 23:10

Too bad this is almost all true :(

http://www.webpr.gr/joomla/uploaded_images/pm20060621-763613.png

IMPERIUM

12thJuly2006, 08:02

Ghamilli cappucino, large, bollente.
Imbasta mhux Starbucks, hi!
Ghax inkella inzijdu il-baqq ul-brijat!

Imperium
0607

Parody: Enjoy Your Coffee
Humor/Parody; Posted on: 2006-07-12 01:30:50 [ Printer friendly / Instant flyer (http://www.nationalvanguard.org/printer.php?id=9536) ]
http://www.nationalvanguard.org/images/teaser/hschultz.jpg A thankyou to all Starbucks customers

Dear Starbucks (http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=8892) Customer,

First and foremost I want to thank you for making Starbucks (http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=9330) the $6.4 billion global company it is today, with more than 90,000 employees, 9,700 stores, and 33 million weekly customers. Every latte and macchiato you drink at Starbucks (http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=7559) is a contribution to the close alliance between the United States and Israel, in fact it is - as I was assured when being honoured with the "Israel (http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=4809) 50th Anniversary Friend of Zion Tribute Award" - key to Israel’s long-term PR success. Your daily chocolate chips frappucino helps pay for student projects in North America and Israel, presenting them with the badly needed Israeli perspective of the Intifada.

Starbucks, through the Jerusalem Fund of Aish HaTorah, an international network of Jewish education centres, sponsors Israeli military arms fairs in an effort to strengthen the special connection between the American, European and Israeli defense industries and to showcase the newest Israeli innovations in defense. As my contribution to the fight against the global rise of anti-Semitism, the reason behind the current conflict in the Middle-East, I help Aish HaTorah sponsoring the website "honestreporting.com” and produce material informing of Israel’s side of the story.

Without you, my valued customer, I wouldn’t be able to raise hundreds of millions of dollars each year to support Israeli citizens from terrorist attacks and keep reminding every Jew in America to defend Israel at any cost. $5 billion per year from the US government are no way near enough to pay for all the weaponry, bulldozers and security fences needed to protect innocent Israeli citizens from anti-Semitic Muslim terrorism. Corporate sponsorships are essential.

Full article (http://www.ziopedia.org/content/view/578/1/)

All pro-White caffeine addicts: Look at this dorky nebbish and tell yourself: I am better than this; I'll go to the local donut shop if I have to, but I will NOT support the crime of international Zionism.
http://www.nationalvanguard.org/story.php?id=9536

dDragonR

12thJuly2006, 09:15

President Bush makes a tough decision...:D

Marco Polo

12thJuly2006, 09:52

im going to add the above toon to the main page

Velvet Mite

13thJuly2006, 07:43

Wanna play football?

http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf (http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf)

Marco Polo

13thJuly2006, 08:17

Wanna play football?

http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf (http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf)

roflmao.

Drew

13thJuly2006, 09:18

Wanna play football?

http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf (http://www.czeta.it/upload/cz-store/giochi/zidane.swf)

Haha! What's sad though is that it took me two minutes to figure out what to do...

ivanv

13thJuly2006, 22:49

One fine morning a guy drove to a town to meet his friend."Do you like my new porsche?",he asked him when he met him."Sure dude but how did you manage to get that?" replied his friend."See I went to the disco last night and met this beatufil girl,we dancd all night and then she took me for a ride in her Porsche when suddenly she stopped in a deserted road,took all of her clothes off and said to me'Do what you want',so I decided to take her car"."Good thing youv'e done mate,the clothes wouldn't have fitted you anyway"the other replied.

dDragonR

14thJuly2006, 08:56

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager sat down next to him. He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. The old man stared. Whenever the teen looked, the old man was staring.

Finally, the teenager said sarcastically: "What's the matter, old boy, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied: "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot, just wondering if you were my son." :D

Crow

14thJuly2006, 09:25

Good one Dragon!!!

Cikku

14thJuly2006, 10:38

lol, ostra tajba Dragon !

dDragonR

14thJuly2006, 11:00

clap clap clap :D :D :D

dangju :p

etoile noir

16thJuly2006, 12:58

dDragonR

16thJuly2006, 14:11

anyone want to vote for a new moderator? here he is :D

http://www.maltaeconomicupdate.com/maltaeconomicupdate/common/image_provider.aspx?id=632883169402056250

andrew borg manduca - moderator :eek:
source (http://www.maltaeconomicupdate.com/maltaeconomicupdate/events_item.aspx?id=11271)

well, wadda you know!!?:p :D

bloated Boccu IM Beck aka Herr Manduca...!

no wonder he writes with such intensity and hatred against the 'Fascist Rascist Neo Nazi bigots'! Ghax qed ippappieha gmielu taht il Gvern ta' Gonzi!! X'ma jirsistiex, dejjem imexmex il lahma, u jhalli l-ghadma liz zghir!
L-ewwel kien jerda minn fuq tas sigaretti, issa gietu tajba bil NECC!!

carlos

17thJuly2006, 15:24

Ahmed the Arab, came to live here in Malta but after only a few weeks
he became very ill.

He went to a few Arab doctors that work here, but none of them could
help him.

Finally, he went to an Maltese doctor who said:

"Take this pail, go to the back room, do No. 1 in it, then do No. 2 on
the No. 1, and then put your head down in the bucket and then breathe
in the fumes for ten minutes."

Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket,
peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel fine. I feel
terrific! What Was wrong with me?"

The doctor said:

"You were just homesick, sahbi!!!"

dDragonR

18thJuly2006, 09:38

I advise vm.org forum users to carry along one of these...:D :p

Letty, the first one might prove useful for protection...;)

etoile noir

18thJuly2006, 10:29

do you really think these are dogs? and for protection too!
how about i send one of our 3 great danes to you to keep for a few hours? there are 2 black and a fawn one ...... viva l-multiculturalismu :D

Cikku

18thJuly2006, 11:53

anyone want to vote for a new moderator? here he is :D

http://www.maltaeconomicupdate.com/maltaeconomicupdate/common/image_provider.aspx?id=632883169402056250

andrew borg manduca - moderator :eek:
source (http://www.maltaeconomicupdate.com/maltaeconomicupdate/events_item.aspx?id=11271)

What the hell is going on here ???

I know that I CANNOT recognise people and I also have difficulties recognising myself in the mirror but the pic on the site is that of Andrew Borg CARDONA no ?? If so why does the subtitle say Andrew Borg MANDUCA ????

:confused:

dDragonR

20thJuly2006, 15:11

This one goes to Semper Sapiens...:D :D :p

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother."
So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father."
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says: "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
The father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says, "Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German B*st*rds"

Animus

4thAugust2006, 11:30

Ahmed the Arab, came to live here in Malta but after only a few weeks he

became very ill.He went to a few Arab doctors that work here, but none
of
them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Maltese doctor who said:
"Take this pail, go to the back room, do No. 1 in it, then do No. 2 on
the
No. 1, and then put your head down in the bucket and then breathe in the

fumes for ten minutes."
Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket,
peed
on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel fine. I feel
terrific!
What Was wrong with me?"
The doctor said, "You were just homesick, habib."

Velvet Mite

5thAugust2006, 09:19

Kid Stuff
CID:{D46F8BDD-C65F-4CE0-B5A5-565399B496E2}/Birdsnbees.jpg

Neverwinter

5thAugust2006, 14:59

Arse-kissing Mel
:D

Lowellian

5thAugust2006, 15:15

Neverwinter - LOL!!!

IMPERIUM

7thAugust2006, 00:10

Rabbis with Talmud in hand:
versus Imams, brandishing their Koran:
circumsion on both sides!

Two crude religions fighting it out:
both sprang out of the desert in the Middle East.
Sugar bowl versus turban.

And let them get on with it.
And let them fight it out - to the last foreskin!
They deserve each other!

Imperium
0608

etoile noir

7thAugust2006, 00:34

rotflmao Norman cuz your jokes are crap.(sorry):D:D(btt)You can have a Bbc too for that joke
thanks sepp. so i'm not the only one sitting here picturing them guys playing tiddlywinks with rotting foreskins :D :eek: :D

etoile noir

8thAugust2006, 21:38

all together now: cheese :D

ASTREAUS

8thAugust2006, 21:56

This is the best joke that I have for you .
Harry Vassallo want to win 4 seats in the coming election?

etoile noir

8thAugust2006, 22:36

This is the best joke that I have for you .
Harry Vassallo want to win 4 seats in the coming election?

well dear, he's not alone in his demented fantasies. alfred sant wants to be prime minister and gonzo honestly believes he's going to remain there. or, in the grand old tradition of maltese - or is it ching - dynasties, become president :rolleyes:

dust commander

9thAugust2006, 01:28

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.

When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"

The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
:eek: :eek:

Cikku

9thAugust2006, 18:02

Sure Fire Ways To Know You're A Woman

You're a bitch.

When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get pissed off when you are believed.

Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Whine.

If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.

If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required gifts proving his love.

Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.

Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

Cikku

9thAugust2006, 18:05

Let's "balance" the above lest some female gets offended !!!

Rules of Being a Guy

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari

Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak accident.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.

Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional).

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothing.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.

ASTREAUS

9thAugust2006, 20:58

Please try to think what this thing is, I, will give you the answer in 10 minutes,
Arnold schwarzenegger have a big one
Michael J.Fox, have a small one
Madonna doesnt have one
The pope has one but doesent use it
Clinton uses his all the time
Bush is one
Mickey mouse has an unusual one
Liberace never used his on women
Jerry Seinfield is very, very proud of his
Cher claims that she took on 3
We never saw Lucy use Desi;s
What is it????????????
guess
answer in 10 minutes

Hamilcar

9thAugust2006, 21:10

Surname

ASTREAUS

9thAugust2006, 21:12

yes sir. you got it, well done

etoile noir

9thAugust2006, 21:40

Does Hamilcar win anything being the smart pants that he is ?I thought it was dick!:(
me too :eek:

Cikku

9thAugust2006, 22:07

Does Hamilcar win anything being the smart pants that he is ?I thought it was dick!:( -- Sepp44

me too :eek: -- etoile noir

Birds of a feather ???????????

:confused:

etoile noir

9thAugust2006, 22:21

Birds of a feather ???????????:confused:
you want to flock with us cikk? you're welcome to join the oldies :D

Cikku

9thAugust2006, 22:25

you want to flock with us cikk? you're welcome to join the oldies :D

ROTFLMAO !!

I'm around ain't I ?? I'm proud to have achieved my goal of at least 60 !!

:p :) :D

Cikku

9thAugust2006, 22:50

Huh !Kids' today:rolleyes:

Let me tell you something Sepp. We have a saying in Maltese which says DARBTEJN INSIJRU TFAL !

Now, pse don't ask this kid what it means !

:p (btt)

ASTREAUS

9thAugust2006, 22:50

you didn"t think I wrote a dirty joke did you???????????

ASTREAUS

9thAugust2006, 23:01

kien hemm mara armla,u din miskina iddejqet dejjem gewwa,u thajret biex
tmurf party ta romol.u bingo,tfacca ragel qisu (I AM BECK) sabih u xnaf jien lol,u wara li bdiet tejdlu li taf issajjar hafna dan accetta l istedina taghha biex immur jiccena id dar taghha.
Kif dahal, u eskortatu lejn il kamra ta l ikel, dan baqa impressjonat bil kwalita u kwantita ta ikel li kienet ippreparatlu.
come on qaltlu,feel at home, tista tibda, u f daqqa wahda cempel it telephone.
Skuzani sweet, qaltlu, ha nara minn cempel, help yourself.
U, dan beda ifittex il bzar, u fuq il mejda ma kienx, qal hasra bejnu u bejn ruhu, bzar ma hawnx,
Hares lejn is sideboard u ra vazett , ohhhhhhhhhh qal kemm mort zmerg, hemm hu il bzar.
Qam minn postu, qabad il vazett u beda jitfa fil platt.
F daqqa wahda giet il mara u qaltlu no darling, that is my late husband???????????????/

dust commander

10thAugust2006, 03:53

Does Hamilcar win anything being the smart pants that he is ?I thought it was dick!:(

Sepp' Schwarzenegger doesn't have a big dick. Didn't you ever see pics of him when he was Mr. Universe. He was all muscles but no dick. That's why Maria married him.;)

dust commander

10thAugust2006, 04:06

Two Arabs went on a plane to go to Rome. They had a window seat and the middle seat, A Jew came and sat in the aisle seat. After take-off he took off his shoes and started to read. One of the Arabs got up to get a coke but the jew said to him "stay there I'll get you a coke myself". While he was gone the arab spat a big glob of phlegm in the jew's shoe. The jew came back and handed him his coke.A few minutes later the other arab wanted a coke too, so the jew got up to get HIM a coke too, and while he was gone HE spat another glob in his other shoe. Upon arrival he saw the two arabs smirking, so he put on his shoes and realised what they had done to him. He turned to them and said " these wars between us have got to stop, this spitting in the shoes AND PISSING IN THE COKE".

ASTREAUS

10thAugust2006, 20:49

nice joke dust commander

Neverwinter

11thAugust2006, 05:41

Note: Not a true Nostradamus quote
:D

Neverwinter

11thAugust2006, 05:43

:D:D:D :D:D:D

Neverwinter

11thAugust2006, 06:14

http://encycl.opentopia.com/term/Imperium_europa:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Crow

11thAugust2006, 12:35

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Neverwinter

11thAugust2006, 15:31

:);):);)

ASTREAUS

15thAugust2006, 16:30

They were going to start making love when a picture irritated the man and asked the woman.
Is that your ex husband in that pic?
no, you fool it is not my ex.
Can it be your father?
no you fool, it is not my father.
Will by any chance be your brother??
nooooooooooooooooo. that is me before my operation.

Neverwinter

16thAugust2006, 02:19

:eek: Yikes! rofl :DThey were going to start making love when a picture irritated the man and asked the woman.
Is that your ex husband in that pic?
no, you fool it is not my ex.
Can it be your father?
no you fool, it is not my father.
Will by any chance be your brother??
nooooooooooooooooo. that is me before my operation.

Niccolo

17thAugust2006, 23:25

Windows bil Lingwa tac-Cuqlajta!

http://img451.imageshack.us/img451/4309/zabt9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img446.imageshack.us/img446/8247/zepy0.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/7227/zstarthl7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/2652/zwindowslb3.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

shadow cup

17thAugust2006, 23:36

They missed 'pagna' and 'verzjonijiet' ;c)

I also get the impression that those screenshots were taken on different dates (microsoft word in the 2nd taskbar) Not to mention that it seems that the user does not share the computer's attempt at patriotism (with document and folder names like that!). ;cP

Oh well - humerous.

shadow cup

20thAugust2006, 14:17

Not a joke per se... but I wasn't sure where else to put this... O_o;

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060817/ap_on_fe_st/gold_toothed_cat_6

Cikku

27thAugust2006, 10:57

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is "You're passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for four hours and you still haven't told us where you live." She replied after sobering up a bit, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"

Cikku

27thAugust2006, 11:01

A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing coming from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. He said, "Remember, 20 years ago, when I got you pregnant?" He continued, "And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released tonight."

:confused:

Neverwinter

29thAugust2006, 05:09

A familiar story.... :D

Neverwinter

29thAugust2006, 05:14

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: :D

etoile noir

29thAugust2006, 08:54

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: :D
your rapper/white crime cartoon .... so sad but true.

mark, i think its front page stuff. we do have a cartoons section dont we.

Marco Polo

29thAugust2006, 11:46

my thoughts too. can u remind me the site again please? they were on solargeneral too no?

etoile noir

29thAugust2006, 11:56

sorry, cant help you out. i'm at the office and my bookmarks in explorer here are slightly different to those at home :D
perhaps neverwinter can help when he's online.

Neverwinter

29thAugust2006, 15:41

I pulled these two cartoons off of a Stormfront thread months ago. I saved them to my hard drive and then attached them for upload here. I will look for the thread when I get a chance.

Marco Polo

29thAugust2006, 16:04

they were originally on a site though. maybe tightrope.

Marco Polo

29thAugust2006, 16:04

they were originally on a site though. maybe tightrope.

Cikku

1stSeptember2006, 20:28

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

dust commander

1stSeptember2006, 22:55

Cikku and Seppy were watching a ballgame sitting on a couple of hard seats. After a couple of hours Cikku said to Sepp "hey Sepp, my butt is falling asleep", Sepp replied " I know, I heard it SNORE two or three times".;)

Cikku

2ndSeptember2006, 10:16

Marco Polo

2ndSeptember2006, 19:50

the most hilarious thing about this is that it is true!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=935607276

carlos

2ndSeptember2006, 20:01

the most hilarious thing about this is that it is true!

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=935607276

MASSIVE!

Marco Polo

2ndSeptember2006, 20:24

MASSIVE!

im going to post the entire piece from conspiracy penpal in the lounge

SunRise

3rdSeptember2006, 09:47

Where do you find a no legged dog?

etoile noir

3rdSeptember2006, 10:04

sunrise, please to go the newbie thread and post something about yourself before starting off with "jokes".
thanks
EN - moderator, vm.org

Velvet Mite

13thSeptember2006, 13:00

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October
> 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the
>Scottish
> North coast. The transcript was subsequently released by the MoD.
>
> BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid
> collision.
>
> US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to
> avoid a collision.
>
> BRITISH : Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to
the
> South to avoid a collision.
>
>US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
> course.
>
>BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
>
>US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST
> SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY
THREE
> DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT
YOU
> CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR
COUNTER
> MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
>
>BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Your choice.

etoile noir

13thSeptember2006, 20:01

that is way funny! i had received the actual footage some time back with an e-mail :D

Cikku

13thSeptember2006, 20:44

lol, nice one !

Velvet Mite: re your signature "There is no magic-Daniel Jackson"
are you sure it was Daniel Jackson that said that or was it Jack Daniels ??

:confused:

Velvet Mite

13thSeptember2006, 21:59

Velvet Mite: re your signature "There is no magic-Daniel Jackson"
are you sure it was Daniel Jackson that said that or was it Jack Daniels ??

Stargate SG1

IMPERIUM

14thSeptember2006, 12:49

I.M. Beck!

Imperium
0609

Crow

14thSeptember2006, 12:52

LOOOL!! welcome back norman :)

Marco Polo

14thSeptember2006, 12:54

lol. welcome home norman

Animus

14thSeptember2006, 14:09

LOL!!!! Welcome back Norman!

IMPERIUM

15thSeptember2006, 16:21

A woman from Mqabba has reported a vision of:
the Holy Mary holding the poor dog in her lap.
"Il-Madonna tal-kelba!"

An old lady from l-Gharb, Gozo:
says she has been healed from diatbetes:
through the holy intercession of il-kelba tal-qassis!

And finally and most importantly:
his holyness the Pope has personally intervened in the matter:
mass at the Vatican and proposed beatification of il-kelba!

Imperium
0609

Blood Axis

15thSeptember2006, 16:40

Haha good one Norman..........

Marco Polo

15thSeptember2006, 23:18

http://www.xfmmalta.com/media_candid_mp3s/set04/intervista_ma_xfm_news.mp3

Cesare Battisti

17thSeptember2006, 00:21

Hehe din li se nghidilkom hi aktar serjeta milli cajta nahseb!!!

Kien hemm wiehed (j’Alla wiehed biss!!!) li kien qieghed fid- Dinja biex jahli l- Ossignu, f’ kelma wahda kien jghix ghaz- z…
Minn fuq li qatt m’ ghamel b’siegha xoghol (ghax qatt ma ried jahdem), il- Gvern kien jaghtih l- assistenza socjali!
Minflok ma kkastrah biex ma johloqx iktar speci bhalu, il- Gvern offrielu ‘allowance’ ghal kull speci li jwikkina bih!!
U dan il- parassita wikkiena b’ erbat itfal. L- iskola lanqas biss jafu fejn hi, dejjem bic- certifikati medici – inhallikom tahsbu x’ hiliet qed jissawru go fihom! U minflok ma haduhomlu mill- kustodja tieghu halli jkollhom trobbija ahjar ; permezz taghhom ikkwalifika ghal aktar punti fis- sistema ta’ akkomodazzjoni socjali… u “ha post tal- Gvern” !!
X’ tahseb dwar dan ir- rakkont ja cuc li tahdem u thallas it- taxxa? Tad- dahk jew tal- biki?
Jekk tghid li tal biki int AKTARX li int PESSIMIST.
Jekk tghid li tad dahk int ZGUR ALLA li int IBLAH!!

:confused:

ASTREAUS

18thSeptember2006, 00:12

Wiehed politiku malti li haddem hafna biex jidhol il genna miet meta sema li tillef is siggu fil parlament u deher quddiem san pietru.
OHHHHHHHHHH Kemm ilna nistennowk, qallu san pietru.
Halli indawwrek ftit mal genna onorevoli. u beda idawwru, u f daqqa wahda ra anglu qieghed itaqqab bi drill ras ta wiehed li kien miet u dahal il genna.
L onorevoli qalli dak x qed jaghmel x biza?
EEEEEEEEEEE, qalli san pietru, dak qed jaghmillu ir raggira,ghax se naghmluh qaddis.
Lonorevoli qarras wiccu, u komplow jimxu
Kien hemm ragel iehor u kien hemm zewg angli qedin itaqqbulu fuq il genb ta daru.
U, dak miskin x qedin jaghmlulu.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, qallu san pietru, dawk biex jaghmlulu il; gwienah.
LEEEEEEEEEE, qallu l oneoevoli, jaqbilli immur l infern.
Mhux xorta, qallu san pietru irridu jaghmlulek id denb.
ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, qallu l onorevoli, imma ghandi it toqba lesta.

Marco Polo

19thSeptember2006, 09:07

maths works!

etoile noir

22ndSeptember2006, 13:03

now's your time to play with georgie boy :D
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm (http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm)

Marco Polo

22ndSeptember2006, 13:18

now's your time to play with georgie boy :D
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm (http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm)

now that was fun. gets rid of a bad mood. u should try it dusty;)

Arya

23rdSeptember2006, 00:01

2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot.... With that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.

Arya

23rdSeptember2006, 00:03

Things people have actually said

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people" -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." -- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." -- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." -- Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge

"It's like deja vu all over again." -- Yogi Berra

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese" -- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -- A congressional candidate in Texas

"It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody." -- Richard M. Nixon

"The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet." -- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." -- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." -- Everett Dirksen

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." -- Samuel Goldwyn

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. " --Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on
Republican family values

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." -- General William Westmoreland

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet." -- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." -- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

Marco Polo

24thSeptember2006, 17:54

NAZI GOLD ON THE MOON
New York – Moshe Abrams, leader of the newly founded group, Jews for Gold, has been demanding that NASA reactivate the moon programs to find gold hoarded by the Nazis after WWII.
Newly discovered documents have come to light that show that the Nazis built UFOs and hid millions of tons of stolen tooth-gold at Ancillis on the moon. Mr. Abrams has been demanding that either the American government fund new moon trips, or at least pay the equivalent in money. Mr. Abrams recently stated that, "American lack of interest in this issue borders on Anti-Semitism", but added, "we are glad that the US government is considering retrieving our stolen gold."
NASA has been given special congressional support and US President, Mr. Cokehead, has set up a special committee to look into these allegations. In his weekly radio address, the President stressed the need for "understanding and tolerance."
Scientists call the claims ridiculous, but added, "the scientific community should not engage in Anti-Semitism because there is a small probability that the claims are accurate."
Mr. Abrams was not available for comment.

Marco Polo

24thSeptember2006, 18:10

http://www.heretical.com/holohoax/hoax13b.gif

Cikku

29thSeptember2006, 17:50

Men'S guide to the Female Language

We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

:confused:

Merill

2ndOctober2006, 22:05

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, you are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Merill

2ndOctober2006, 22:22

Stevie Wonder was having an interview and the interviewer asked about what it was like to be blind. He answered:
"it's not that bad, I mean, it could be worse, I could be black!"

Marco Polo

3rdOctober2006, 09:44

A Dog's Diary

7am - Oh Boy! Breakfast! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! A nap! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! Animal Planet! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dinner! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Grandma! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing with my "teddy"! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in Daddy's bed! My favorite!

A Cat's Diary

Day 183 of my captivity ........

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and commented about what a good little kitty I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was
because of my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use
it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog
is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously
an idiot. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks
with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait;
it is only a matter of time...

Marco Polo

3rdOctober2006, 09:45

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won
again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the
donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The
local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next
day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring
you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life. So be yourself and
enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot
happier and live longer!

Arya

3rdOctober2006, 12:31

http://adserver.adtech.de/adserv|3.0|559|1057893|0|16|ADTECH;loc=300;key=officeHumour18032004+4845+item+15;grp=[group] (http://adserver.adtech.de/adlink|3.0|559|1057893|0|16|ADTECH;loc=300;key=officeHumour18032004+4845+item+15;grp=[group])
Tony Blurr and Two Shags

Tony Blurr called Prescott into his office one day and said, "John I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters." "Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Prescott.
"Well," said Blurr, "We'll get ourselves one of those Barbour jacket, some boots, a stick and an Acura hat, oh and a Sheep Dog. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a typical old country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the countryside."
"Right PM," said Prescott. Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite dog, they set off from Sedgefield in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical country pub. Walked in with the dog and up to the bar.
"Good Morning mate," said Tony, to the bartender, "two pints of your best beer."
"Good afternoon Prime Minister," said the barman, "two pints of our best coming up".
Blurr and Prescott stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet.
All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old farmer, complete with stick. He walked up to the dog, lifted it's tail with the stick and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came another old farmer with his stick. He walked up to the dog, lifted it's tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually, Blurr and Prescott could stand it no longer and called the Barman over. "Tell me," said Blurr, "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old farming custom?"
"Strewth no!" said the barman. "It's just that someone went in and told them that there was a sheep dog in this bar with two ****holes!"

Neverwinter

3rdOctober2006, 15:57

MP, the 'dog/cat diary' joke is hilarious. Thanks for posting!

Velvet Mite

4thOctober2006, 08:05

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her ..."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.... "

"Damn!" says the little old lady... "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game; a lot of fans come and pee in the bush

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what 's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."

Arya

4thOctober2006, 08:51

Very Bad News A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka. The bartender says, "Six shots?! What's wrong?" "I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.

The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "What now?" asked the bartender. "I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.

The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. "Jeez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."

Arya

4thOctober2006, 09:01

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the
best?

She answers: My husband's cheque book..

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes
an annual free trip around the Sun..
Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep !

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours !

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our
friends

Children in backseats cause accidents;Accidents in
backseats cause children!

A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the
street at a wrong place and shouts Why are you crossing here?
Can't you see a zebra crossing there? The guy replies ,"Let the zebra
cross. What can I do?"

Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front
of board which said FINE FOR PARKING

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister,the judge
began, you've been brought here for drinking.. Great,the drunk
exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I
can read my handwriting..

Arya

4thOctober2006, 09:01

A duck walks into a bakery and asks the baker "Have you got any beer?"

"Sorry," says the baker, "it's a bakery, we've only got bread"

"OK," says the duck and leaves.

Five minutes later the duck walks back in and asks the baker "Have you got any beer?"

"Er..., no" says the baker, "as I said, it's a bakery and we only sell bread"

"Right-o" says the duck and leaves.

After another five minutes the duck walks back in and asks the baker "Have you got any beer?"

"Look" snarls the baker, "This is a bakery. We only sell bread. Ask one more time and I'll nail your webbed feet to the door!"

"I was only asking" says the duck and leaves.

Another five minutes pass and the duck walks back in and asks the baker "Have you got any nails?"

"No," replies the baker.

"Right then, have you got any beer?"
no idea.

Arya

4thOctober2006, 09:06

Basic Rules for driving in Malta!

Driving in the Maltese Islands -

New Guidelines issued by the Malta Tourism Authority in preparation for Malta's entry to the European Union!

*Always look right and left before proceeding through a green light.Traffic lights are relativley still new on the Islands.

*When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow for oncoming traffic to pass.

*Never, ever stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

*The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see.Grab it.

*Learn to swerve abruptly. Malta is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the General Police Headquarters Registry of Motor Vehicles and Works Department of the Ministry for the Enviorment which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes and panel beaters and vulcanizers in business!

*Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

*Always look both ways when running a red light.

*Honk your horn the instant the light changes as you do in any other case. NO horn NO VRT!

*Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hours. Breakdown lanes may also end without warning causing traffic jams as people merge back in.

*Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.

*Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

Please drive carefully and avoid driving in the sun at all cost especially in the searing heat of summer!

Marco Polo

4thOctober2006, 10:15

Velvet Mite

7thOctober2006, 15:36

FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Cikku

8thOctober2006, 13:56

Sure Fire Ways To Know You're A Woman

If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.

If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required gifts proving his love.

You're a bietch.

When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get pissed off when you are believed.

Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.

Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

Whine.

Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.

Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.

Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

etoile noir

9thOctober2006, 08:44

its not really a joke, but its ultra effing cool :D
watch this guy.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/220626/millionaire_with_style/

Marco Polo

9thOctober2006, 20:06

I thought the jokes section to be the most appropriate thread for this letter.

hilarious.

kids, do you see why you shouldnt do drugs? you wind up writing crap like this.

Laziale

10thOctober2006, 08:21

> Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
>
> Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
> John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
>
> Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
> John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
>
> Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
> Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
>
> Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
> Both Presidents were shot in the head.
>
> Now it gets really weird.
>
> Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
> Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
>
> Both were assassinated by Southerners.
> Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
>
> Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
> Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
>
> John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
> Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
>
> Both assassins were known by their three names.
> Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
>
> Now hang on to your seat.
>
> Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
> Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
>
> Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a
>warehouse.
>
> Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a
>theater.
>
> Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
>
> And here's the kicker...
>
> A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
> A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Neverwinter

10thOctober2006, 21:36

The only problem with that Laziale is if you believe Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy:confused:Laziale, you didn't learn and retain all of this in a history class! What is the source comrade?
:D

dust commander

11thOctober2006, 01:55

hilarious.

kids, do you see why you shouldnt do drugs? you wind up writing crap like this.

YVES CALI' .... That's a joke in itself, frogs is stoopid.

Velvet Mite

17thOctober2006, 18:04

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Do stay with it – it’s worth it
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and BR pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Neverwinter

21stOctober2006, 07:33

Source: http://www.stormfront.org/forum/showthread.php?t=335177
Posted by: Orlaithe

Default How I changed
I've been a lurker in this forum for a long time now. I've only recently decided to register. Anyway, I'm a 21 year old female. My Dad's Irish, my Mom's Norwegian, and they are racists. So naturally their hate was put into me, and for a while I believed in it. That is until I had an epiphany one day, when I entered college. College has been my only opportunity to be around and make friendships with non-white people. And as I got to know Asians and Blacks and other minorities I realized that they felt the same way I did, they were human, my favorite Professor is a black man from Ghana, who happens to be the most intelligent human being I've ever met. My prejudices started to evaporate. Now they are almost gone; I fell in love with the most wonderful Hispanic man, who's 20 years old and a recent immigrant from Nicaragua. We're in love and I've never been as happy in my whole life, I plan on marrying him once I graduate college.

When I come here now I don't see what I used to see when I was younger. I don't feel the power, pride, or belonging that I once did in White Nationalism. Now all I see is ignorance, fear, hatred, and lies.

Though I'm on bad terms with my family (especially my father) for my choices, I have no regrets - I've been enlightened, and I've dropped my hate and my baggage. I now embrace all people from all races, and I love them. I can only hope more people can break away from the lies and hate and see the light too.

"Love Is A Temple. Love Is A Higher Law."

-Kirstyn

In Reply:

Posted by: Cadmus

Take 1... Action!

"Yes, you see... I was once an evil-whitey who hated the world, but then I went to college, and ... poof! Just like that, I transcended foolish things like racial posterity, heritage and nation.

The new, enlightened me then promptly decided to log into stormfront.org, create an account, and then post how I freely miscegenate with anything on two legs, because the marxist-meat grinder set me free"

Cut! ..that's a wrap.. good job people.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our enemies are fucked in the head! LOL It is true. I find this thread opener by our enlightened multi-cultist and our racialist to be quite houmorous. - Neverwinter -

IMPERIUM

21stOctober2006, 09:05

Il-Professur Braggiolu, il-Braggiolino ul-Braggiolina:
sa jerghu imorru Durban, SA ghall laqgha kontra ir-razzissmu!
Sa jheggu ligijiet aktar horox kontra kull forma ta razzissmu!

Smajt li-bhala familja esemplari, pluri-multiculturali u multi-razzjali:
il-grieden tad-drenagg sa jivvutawom:
President (il-Braggiolu), Direttur (il-Braggiolino), Segretaria (il-Braggiolina).

Viva il-multiculturalismu! Viva il-multirazzjalismu!
Kullhad ferhan! Kullhad kuntent! Kullhad jinhab!
Viva il-Braggiolu!

Imperium
0610

IMPERIUM

16thNovember2006, 23:06

Breaking news!
Just heard in the grapevine:
special guest at the ANR general meeting -
invited personally by Il-Beatu! - (il-Bahnan eagerly seconded the motion)

Israel's Key Ally: U.S. Evangelicals Posted by admin on: 2006-11-15 08:09:39 in category: General [ Print (http://www.natallnews.com/printer.php?id=3488)]
http://www.natallnews.com/images/teaser/hagee.jpg As Israeli bombs fell over Lebanon for a second week in July, the Reverend John Hagee of San Antonio arrived in Washington with 3,500 evangelicals for the first conference of his newly founded organization, Christians United for Israel.
At a dinner addressed by the Israeli ambassador, a handful of Republican senators and the chairman of the Republican National Committee, Hagee read letters of greetings from President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Ehud Olmert of Israel and dispatched the crowd with a message for their congressmen.
Tell them to "to let Israel do their job" of destroying Hezbollah, Hagee said. He called the conflict "a battle between good and evil" and said support for Israel was "God's foreign policy." The next day he took the message to the White House, where he met with the Jew Elliott Abrams, deputy national security adviser.
Bush administration officials say the meeting was a courtesy for a political ally that did not affect policy. But that three-way political alliance - connecting Israel, its evangelical Christian supporters in the United States and Bush - has long attracted intense interest from both ends of the political spectrum.
White evangelicals, who make up about a quarter of the U.S. electorate, have become a sophisticated and well- organized force in the Republican Party, making it hard for any elected official to disregard their views entirely.
Hagee is among the many evangelical Christians who believe that the Bible assigns Israel a pivotal role as a harbinger of the Second Coming. Citing passages from Revelation and Ezekiel, Hagee argues that conflict between Israel and Iran may be a sign that it is approaching.
Media Link (http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/11/14/news/israel.php)

Imperium
0611

Neverwinter

18thNovember2006, 04:42

The Worst Burglar Ever! - Video

http://www.filecabi.net/video/worst-burgler-ever15.html

Enjoy!

IMPERIUM

18thNovember2006, 05:03

L-iswed: ma jiddisappuntak qatt, le qatt!

Imperium
0611

IMPERIUM

18thNovember2006, 05:37

Group of American Jews touring Europe:
gaudy colours, ugly faces, cameras flashing:
and most of all: complaining about everything!

Amsterdam zoo: Miss Wiesenthal (niece of the famous...):
fortyish, spinster, slightly frustrated:
flashing her camera at the Orangutan male in a cage.

"Look! Look what he's doing" she exclaims excitedly:
as the brute does what every male, in his isolated position, would do.
She gets nearer and nearer, taking zoom shots!

And suddenly, the mammoth mammal extends his long arm:
and grabs Miss Wies by her bun of hair, precariously perched on the side of her head -
and plops her into his cage - amongst much screaming and shrieking by the holocausters!

And of course, as duty demands -
he does what every sane male in his isolated position, would do:
HE BANGS HER!

Eventually, the zoo wardens baton the poor brute in a corner -
and Miss Wies is gently escorted out of the cage -
half pleased, half distressed at what happened.

Would you believe it - one month later - yes, you've guessed it!

Leading NY newspapers headline the news: Miss Wies (Jewish) first pregnant woman by Orangutan!
Best team of Jewish gynocologists attending to Miss Wies...
Best Jewish hospital in NY, on standy, to make biological history!

Nine months later - on the faithfull day:
world Jewish press filming - cameras rolling - hours of non stop "breaking news".
On film: five Jewish specialists walking down the hospital corridors.

They knock on Miss Wies door: a sorrowful voice: "come in".
Cameras reeling: the leading specialist: "Good morning, Miss Wies".
She gives him a holocaust look and replies: "good morning".

"But how do you feel, Miss Wies?"
"How do you want me to feel - he never rings, he never writes".
You see: they have to complain!

Imperium
0611

Marco Polo

18thNovember2006, 21:51

enjoy this lot. 3 are bmp files so u will need to download them

IMPERIUM

20thNovember2006, 09:42

"The women -- one Maltese, 22 Romanians, six Hungarians, four Czechs, two Slovaks, a Pole, an Estonian and a Moroccan aged between 19 to 31 years -- were accused of carrying out immoral acts in public places."

Just heard from the law courts:
Another charge, this time a really grave one, has been added to the bar owners:
Racial discrimination! - no Black women!

Imperium
0611

Marco Polo

27thNovember2006, 00:30

2 funny vids

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCwKbUVyHLY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aibKW_1HV-c&NR

Marco Polo

27thNovember2006, 00:33

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2unGl1cRI_s&NR

had to post this

Dillon

27thNovember2006, 20:02

so here's the deal :P, This is my first thread btw :) hello vivamalta :P

Jesus was on the cross just before dying. About a thousand soldiers were gathered around him, just to make sure he doesn't escape. Peter and Mary were sobbing just beneath him. After some time, Jesus utterd: "PETER! IF YOU LOVE ME... YOU MUST COME PAST THESE GARDS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!". Peter hasitated (he was outnumberd by the gaurds) but he tried his best. HE ended up with some broken ribs and two broke arms. Peter asked for God's mercy, but god replied: "IF YOU LOVE ME YOU JUST HAVE TO COME THROUGH THESE GUARDS!" he mumbled "ALL MIGHTY JESUS, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE" GOD insistead and said " IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'll JUST HAVE TO DO THIS!" so peter made up his mind. He tried getting past them, though ended up unable to move without hurting himslef. Peter said, Dear god i give up, though jesus insisted and repeated the same words. The guards felt sorry for peter, and they let the poor man in. After some minutes rolling and crawling to reach Jesus, Peter finally managed to come Just beneath Him. He said "here i am All might Jesus, tell me!" Jesus looked down at pure peter and said..." Peter... you know... i can see you house from up here!"

Another good one i heard at school, this one is awesome!:

So Ganni, the average maltese slob, had those few extra kilos he wanted to get rid off, he was talking to peppi (fortunatly for him not the one of Charade a Bank) and the obesity problem popped out. Peppi suggested him to visit this new GYM. He said that in about an hours Ganni would lose those extra kilos! Ganni was speachless. He asked where the place was and went there straight ahead! There was this massive building he went in. It was dark, but a big red button was seen by Ganni, it had the words "PRESS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT!!" on it. So Ganni eagrly pressed it. All of a sudden this enormous builinding lighted up. A beautiful women (Let's say Carmen Electra ha) was there and said: "IF you catch me you can have sex with me!". Gianni was speachless. He ran with all his might and eventually he chaught her. The he went up a flight of stairs. He pressed the button and BANG! two carmen electra's :P were there, they said "if you catch me, you could have sex with me" ... the process was repeated for 19 times (the last stage had 38 Carmens :p(btt)) .. he was in the 20th stage. Gianni rubbed his hands and said "Gah, 40 Carmens ! what else would a men want.: so without hesitation he pressed the button again.

Suddenly a men appeard. This man said to Gianni, if i catch you i'd have sex with you :p!

Marco Polo

5thDecember2006, 23:47

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockefeller, looking bored. "What's it like in there?", asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "in Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"That's terrible!!", gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
"In Communist Hell," said Marx impatiently, "they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"But ... but that's the same as Capitalist Hell!", protested Dave.
"True," sighed Marx, "but sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we don't have knives ... "

Velvet Mite

15thDecember2006, 20:53

Frank Sinatra
Strangers on my Flight

http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm (http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm)

Marco Polo

15thDecember2006, 21:12

Frank Sinatra
Strangers on my Flight

http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm (http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm)

hilarious. v good one

Marco Polo

19thDecember2006, 18:26

this isnt really a joke but it is the funniest advert i ever saw. its even funnier than the mac ones

http://shaveeverywhere.com/

Dillon

19thDecember2006, 20:14

just take a look at this video lol :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRFEHKfRchM&mode=related&search=

Neverwinter

20thDecember2006, 01:51

Marco Polo

20thDecember2006, 09:30

Source Thread :D:D:D (http://www.stormfront.org/forum/showthread.php/assata-speaks-negro-wants-join-348893.html)

SPOON! posts: An Assata Speaks negro is going to join us and wants other negroes to join:

http://assatashakur.org/forum/showthread.php?t=23662

Help Me Out In Changing Some Minds
Ok I know a lot of you all going disagree with my actions here but I have signed up to stormfront.org. At first I did it to show my mentor how these whites are laughing at us, talking down on us....I mean we all know they do that but I had 2 show him in what extent they do it. While there it hit me. Why not sign up and combat them with 100% truth! Dont argue! Just drop em with knowledge, with truth they cannot deny. Sure Ima catch a lot of hell but if its truth what can they say. And If i can change the views of 1 racist cracker...hell anything is possible. I just need some help with some good facts I can drop. Like the origination of the white man. How everyone descends from Africa. How we all are African. How God was African. etc etc....please help....and I think we all should sign up and combat back! Not by arguing....but by giving knowledge....you cant only blame a fool to an certain extent.

thats hilarious. you almost feel sorry for them. here are a couple of replies i liked:

That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard. If you believe in evolution, then the creatures we evolved from came from Africa. We did not "evolve" from blacks. And if we did, then we're still superior. We evolved from cro-magnon's that came to Europe. God is not "African" -- he's Mesopotamian. Iraq is not an African country, and arabs are not blacks. If we were all African, I don't suppose there would be a stormfront, either. Then again, there wouldn't be an Internet because we would be living in caves because if we were all black, we'd all be stupid

------------------------------
What is their problem? Blacks are like a psycho ex-girlfriend that can't face the fact that she's been dumped.
------------------------------------
Here's my prediction:
She'll start with the inventions of the Blackshttp://www.stormfront.org/forum/images/smilies/rofl.gif
--------------------------------------------
Daddy Daddy can I keep her?

Oh, Alright son. But remember she has to stay in the yard! Mom doesn't want pets in the house...

But Daddy Lassie comes in all the time...

Now Timmy, you know Lassie is like family, she's not a wild animal like a monkey is.

IMPERIUM

20thDecember2006, 12:08

As Al Johnson used to say:
"I may be blind - but thank God I'm not black"!

Imperium
0612

IMPERIUM

23rdDecember2006, 11:57

Kont qieghed party kbir:
gie ikellimini Ministru antik, ghannaqni, u tani bil-harta fuq wicci b'simpatija:
"Mela ma tridtx kliem Norman, ma tridtx tkellimni?"
"Le, mhux ghalek, marridtx nimbarrazzak quddiem dan nies kollha"
"U ejja, Norman, ghandi it-tifel mignun fuqek - jaf l-ispeeches tieghek b'ghamment -
meta nghidlu 'baxxilu ftit - jghajjatli lura:
"U oqohod kwiet int"!
U kullhadd jidhaq - saqsu lill 4,000 Votes!

Was at a huge party, hundreds of guests:
a well known minister came up to me, hugged me and patted me on the cheeks in great friendliness:
"Norman, don't you want to talk to me today?"
I replied: "No, its not that Minister - its that I don't want to embarrass you in front of all these people".
"Oh, come on, Norman!
My son is an ardent follower of yours -
he plays your speeches non-stop, and knows them by heart -
when I tell him: 'tone it down a bit - he shouts back at me:
Aw, shut up, you!"
And everyone laughed! - Ask 4,000 votes.

Imperium
0612

ivanv

24thDecember2006, 17:14

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the
parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was
chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they
waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard
here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first
person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set
and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He
had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an
affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister!
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all
like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving
people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and
gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,"
said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to
go to him in confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE.

KAMIKAZE

24thDecember2006, 21:51

The image says it all.

Marco Polo

25thDecember2006, 01:41

what do you get when convince a dozen anglo saxons to work together on a xmas song?

this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH7vrLlDZ6U&NR

enjoy!

KAMIKAZE

25thDecember2006, 12:42

Kwotazzjonijiet: Inkredibbli imma veru!!!!

"Ma kontx naf bihom" - Il-Kummissarju tal-Pulizija John Rizzo fil-kaz ta' lap-dancers f'Night Clubs u Men Only clubs f'Malta.

Kumment: Mela x'qieghed taghmel Kummissarju tal-Pulizija, ja Gahan!!! Ghall-paga biss?! Anki tfal ta' erbatax 'il sena jafu x'inhu ghaddej!!

U x'tahseb li jittella' f'night club, il-Quddiesa ta' nofs il-lejl, ja mbecilli!!

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"Dak li hu permess f'pajjizi Ewropej ma jfissirx li jista' jsir ukoll f'Malta" - Il-Kummissarju tal-Pulizija John Rizzo fil-kaz ta' lap-dancers f'Malta.

Kumment: Mela ma jafx dan ic-cuc li meta dhalna fl-Unjoni Ewropeja dhalna fi club li ghandu r-regolamenti tieghu?! Taqbel jew ma taqbilx trid toqghod ghall-ligijiet Ewropej issa, ja bahnan!!

Barra minn hekk, ninsab konvint li fost dawk li ivvutaw 'iva' fir-referendum kien hemm min iridha din il-liberta'.

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"Meta t-tfal ikollhom problema ghandhom isemmu lehinhom" - Il-Kummissarju tat-Tfal wara li m'ghamlet assolutament XEJN fil-kaz tat-tifel Ghawdxi Shaun Attard.

Kumment: Fejn kont meta dak il-povru tifel kellu bzonnok, ja mnejka?!

Pozi u titli u nejk ghandna kieku ja ipokriti!!!!

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Kemment Generali: Intom it-tnejn aqbdu id f'id u morru ntremew minn Dingli Cliffs, ja mbecilli l'intom!!!!